wolfintestine:

sqr-knt:

Went out and bought a can of pineapple juice cuz Waka said it’d make my cum taste better

too bad your sock doesn’t have taste buds

image

(Source: shredbundy, via deguzzi)

alekshdfilms:

one time i forced my mom to play pokemon for at least half an hour and all she did was catch a butterfree and name it lowfat

(via deguzzi)

arrogantdad:

my mom told me that in high school she use to get boyfriends at the beginning of February so they had enough time to get her a valentines day gift and then break up with them the day after and just keep the gift and one day she told her parents about it and they made her keep her boyfriend at least until the end of February and so she did and that boy is now my dad

(via jzzkhalifa)

neoputa:

i have unlimited texting and i only text 3 people ever i think my phone company looks at my bill and just laughs

(via itstanced)